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Many people have grown accustomed to taking out loans and making purchases with borrowed funds. But from whom do we actually borrow? A bank or the lender is only an intermediary. If we look deeper, we are borrowing from ourselves, from our future, in which all debts will have to be repaid. Psychologist Maria Gavrilyuk spoke about how to overcome the debtor mentality and stop living on credit.
How are debtor syndrome and an infantile worldview related?
How do consumer loans and business loans differ from a psychological point of view?
How to distinguish a rational need for a loan from an impulsive one?
Types of loans
How to get rid of the obsessive desire to borrow
Credit as a motivation to live
How to understand that you are ready for a loan?
Loans or debts are always initially formed based on infantile behavioral patterns. Infantilism is a state of mind that prevents an adult from achieving maturity: autonomy, abandoning egocentrism, and unconscious, impulsive consumption of goods.
The following thoughts and states signal an infantile attitude towards the world:
"Everyone owes me."
"No, you don't understand me."
" I just have a tough case / a special situation."
" Well, please / put yourself in my shoes."
" I deserve better."
" I don't have enough, I want more, and I want it now."
" Everything and immediately."
Belief in miracles, freebies, and lotteries.
The desire to "show off".
Unhealthy attachment to brands (the desire to seem, not to be).
The habit of bargaining with life circumstances.
Conviction in the total injustice of the world.
At the heart of the debtor's psychology lies an infantile worldview: something is wrong with the world, but everything is fine with me; therefore, the world owes me. In reality, the world reflects our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes back to us.
If we're talking about business, it's often built on borrowed funds. And this moment is no longer about entitlement, but about cooperation. And the psychology of such loans is very different.
Business loans are based on the skills of negotiating and interacting, drawing on combined resources — i.e., the principles of synergy and collegiality. It's about the ability to see business development dynamically, and the skill of taking risks and growing in ways that benefit everyone. This is a much more mature worldview than that of those who take out personal loans.
The psychology of a successful entrepreneur cannot be infantile. He may be a dreamer, but he is primarily a person who does not live in infantile fantasies, but who transforms a dream into a goal. To do this, you need to draw up a plan of action and take responsibility for implementing what you have conceived.
A loan can be reasonable and expedient, or quite the opposite.
Reasonable loans include funds taken for the following purposes:
- improving one's qualifications: level of education, experience, environment, which in the near future also increases the standard of living and income; - investments, that is, when money can bring in new money; - buying an item necessary for multiplying money (this is not about an expensive, status computer or smartphone, it's about a necessary device with the correct set of functions).
In addition, the following are essential:
- internal readiness for a loan and the ability to repay it;
- options and opportunities to repay the loan if everything does not go according to plan.
Unreasonable loan:
- for entertainment;
- for holidays (wedding, anniversary, etc.);
- to pull the wool over someone's eyes;
- does not directly affect income increase;
- taken when there is an internal belief or program "money = danger";
- when unprepared for a loan;
- without a plan on how to repay the money in case of force majeure.
Loans can also be considered through the following classification to better understand their essence and diversity:
Material
Material loans are simple. These are financial borrowed funds under certain conditions that must be repaid. But the basis is always a moral debt, dissatisfaction with what you have, a desire for more.
Moral
Moral loans, or loans from a psychological point of view, can be:
Verbal: I promised myself or others something and didn't do it (I'll call back, we'll see each other, I'll do it, etc.).
Emotional loans: when we vent our emotions on other people, we create emotional swings and imbalances.
Behavioral loans: when in relationships between equals, we are not on equal terms, I constantly use someone's help and don't pay for it, or, conversely, I regularly lend to others: I pay bills in restaurants, give gifts, and I don't receive anything in return, etc.
Predetermined:
Predetermined loans are obligations imposed on a person by cultural context and the individual's nature.
Obligations within the family, within the lineage, for example, when elderly parents are involved.
Older people need care, but their children show no concern and are only focused on their careers. In essence, they live on borrowed time, as they don't give older people the attention their condition and societal norms require, instead spending their time and energy only on themselves.
If we do not fulfill our inner needs and desires and do not live in accordance with our personal values, this can lead to complexes that hinder personal satisfaction and affect all areas of life. "
On an unconscious level, these complexes can be compared to the mindset of "I owe myself."
For example, a person gifted with musical abilities works as an economist and doesn't realize their potential in music, not even as a hobby. This means that in their subconscious, there may be a psychological mindset of "not sharing one's own resources and talent with society, and therefore not receiving gratitude from society for creative self-realization."
Infantile patterns are about an inner childlike position of "getting as much as possible as quickly as possible." Not giving to the world, but rather receiving.
In psychology, there are concepts of an abundance mindset and a scarcity mindset. When we take out loans and debts, it's most often about unmet inner needs. That is, the person is not in contact with their inner wealth, talents, and strengths. It's about focusing on "what I still lack for happiness."
This is neither good nor bad; we are now considering it without judgment, as an experience, and experience is never good or bad; from every experience you can extract your diamonds, or you can get stuck on the traumas. And it's always about an internal point of choice.
The worldview shows our internal "rails," our "track," in which direction we more often make choices: towards "I already have a lot" or "I don't have enough."
Working with your worldview will help you let go of the obsessive urge to take on loans and spend them on satisfying momentary needs. Instead, you need to honestly answer yourself: which unmet aspect of your personality are you trying to suppress by overwhelming yourself with money and purchases? And the answer to this question will make it clear what you can do alternatively.
From the unconscious point of view, credit can be our connection to life. When a person experiences a difficult situation in life, something critical, credit can play a very unusual role – to signify the meaning of life, your obligations to others, that is…" This is what you are obligated to live for.
For example, a loved one dies, and the suffering is so intense that the desire to live disappears. In such a case, a loan and the obligation assumed will act as a connection to life, something to continue living for.
Also, loans are often taken out by people who lack contact with the earthly world, who are, by nature, more spiritual than materialistic. It is difficult for them to maintain a daily routine, exercise, follow a diet, or connect with their bodies. They seem detached from earthly categories. And then the loan brings them back to material awareness.
It is essential to prepare for a loan not only in terms of how you will repay it, but also in your mindset. Namely, to make the financial amount you intend to borrow feel normal and safe for yourself.
Often, we unconsciously want to squander borrowed money because it doesn't feel safe to us. And it happens that a person takes out a large loan and spends it on everything indiscriminately, thinking, "Let's splurge now, we'll earn it back later." And the money goes to shopping and to expensive, unreasonable purchases (a car / a new iPhone / a business-class ticket, etc.).
Such a loan is difficult to repay later because the person was simply not ready for that amount of money.
Money is always about maturity. No matter how much money we attract, it is important to understand that big money belongs to adults. Children don't need money. An adult is not only someone who is considered one by passport age, but also an emotionally mature person who calmly takes responsibility for their words, feelings, and actions. Therefore, you need to be emotionally mature before you can handle large sums of money.
Money directly reflects the quality of our relationships with other people and the exchange we have with the world. The more we give to the world, the more we receive in return. A loan is about wanting to receive more, and to do that, you need to learn to give more.
So, ask yourself more often: what can I give to this world to receive as much as I want? What do I already have, or what can I create? With this mindset, you might not even need a loan.
